Fundamentally, while a mass market cruise is meant to be about the destinations, many people stay on the ship. One study suggests 34%.

Once destinations have been removed from the equation, there is no need to be on a ship. When we replace the cruise with a land-based alternative, the same rule applies: location matters not.

The idea is to replace the cruise with a similar experience, but held somewhere cheap. In this instance we are thinking outback Australia, easily reached from Perth or Adelaide, and not hard from other Australian capitals. The outback, being desert, has very low land costs… Cheaper than a cruise ship.

The Pool

Water access needs to be investigated*, but otherwise, the pool, structurally, will be the point of focus, so a lot can be spent on it. We are talking cabanas, swim-up bars, wave pools, even a surf park. Water slides and splash parks for the kids. More water than a cruise has!

The Food

The cruise food experience can be replicated easily, but with two key differences: we have open space, so people who want a bit of isolation (think honeymooners, families with kids) can have as much space as they need. And with fewer safety concerns we can have crazy BBQs and bonfires, a la Burning Man.

By embracing the Australian BBQ vibe (ask any Aussie about Bunnings sausages), we can be cheap and iconic.

The Accommodation

Cabins, like in a caravan park, but with glamping options. Think airline classes, but with a few lower grades as well, with shared toilet/shower blocks, for those who want basic.

Also, of course, it is a trailer park for RVs and caravans. Being a day’s drive from the city, it becomes a fun weekend excursion in the van.

And a motel for the more traditional types. But no kitchens, and no TVs.

The Drink

Absolutely not officially highlighted but this is the key – relatively cheap drinking. Bar prices are 20% below what you pay at home. That in itself is sustainable given the lower overheads. Offerings are not highly varied – for example 10 set cocktails, and perhaps 3 choices for each type of wine.

The “all you can drink” option is the secret sauce. It is calculated precisely and changes with time to be optimal. It of course only covers “basics” and the wine is as basic as you can get. There is a total alcohol limit on your card, per night, that sounds reasonable to everyone. People will find ways to cheat which is why security is a large expense.

The Entertainment

Simply put, the same as a cruise, but not as good. More basic, drunken people don’t need fancy. Have a highlight band night on Saturday, high energy quality covers band (like at fancy weddings). Otherwise it is trivia, karaoke, DJs and something cultural. Pokies, of course.

The Activities

Anything from a cruise ship can be done the same, and cheaper. Plus there is land, so think dune buggies and day trips. Cinema can be outdoor cinema.

Ultimately…

This is a budget holiday as cheap as Bali but easier to get to for just a few days.

*If it is near the coast, a small desalination plant makes sense, and makes it “eco”.